Why I Dream of Greener Pastures

Kid: "Mom?"

Kid: "Mommy?"

Kid: "Mom!"

Me: Yes?

Kid: "Blah, blah, NEED, blah, blah"

Me: Coming right up dear.

Kid: "Mama?"

Me: Yes?

Kid: "Blah, blah, blah, WANT, blah, blah"

Me: As soon as I get a chance. It'll be just a minute.

Kid: "Blah, blah, blah, HURRY!"

Me: I'm coming!

***Repeat 100 times

Then:

Husband: "Blah, blah, blah, dinner?"

Me: It'll be ready in 15 minutes.

Husband: "Newspaper?"

Me: Right here in front of your fucking face.

Then dinner is served:

Kid: "Blah, blah, blah, yuck."

Me: You just need to try one bite and then eat the other 3 things I put on your plate that I know you like.

Kid: "Do I have to?"

Me: Yes.

***Repeat 10 times

Husband: "Slurp, chew, crunch, swallow"

***Repeat 20 times

Me: (Finally sitting down)

Kid: "Blah, blah, NEED, blah."

Me: (getting up to get NEED)

Kid: "Blah, blah, WANT, blah"

Me: (getting up AGAIN for WANT)

Kid: "Blah, blah, MORE please, blah"

***Repeat 3 times

Me: This is the last time I'm getting up, does ANYBODY else NEED/WANT anything!?

Then:

Me: It is time for pajamas and teeth/bathroom.

Kid: "Blah, blah, blah, HAVE TO?"

Me: Yes.

Kid: "Blah, blah, blah, TEETH TOO?"

Me: Unless you want them to rot out of your head like Ollie. And don't forget to go to the bathroom!

Kid: "But I peed this morning."

***Repeat 4 times

And this is why I dream of greener pastures...