Furthermore, parenting Lupus has been very different for me. I have never been the type to plop my kids in a swing or bouncy seat and let them sleep until they have a deformed head, but this is what I have been trying to do with Lupus. And of course Lupus wants nothing to do with those baby gadgets. He wakes up at the most inconvenient times and tries to demand all my attention. I thought my other kids put a damper on my running but nothing compared to Lupus. He actually tries to stop me from running. He pulls out my hair and is the heaviest baby I've ever had to grocery shop with, my shoulders and back are sore for days afterward. He has even sucked the joy out of eating and I consider that to be criminal. I'm trying to learn to love him or at least accept that he is now a part of our family but it is difficult to love someone so mean-spirited.
Did I mention he comes with a no return policy? No matter how much he doesn't fit into our family dynamic I can't give him back. I can manage him, but I can't control him or his outbursts. No one has answered the ads I put in the newspaper for a babysitter. Early-on won't accept him because he doesn't fit in their criteria for services and my husband will divorce me if I don't take him everywhere I go.
Ironically and compared to my other children I don't want him to grow up. He is big enough and smart enough now. My plan is to try to drug him as effectively as I can and put him to bed. I won't even feel guilty for not co-sleeping with this one. In fact I put his crib (thank goodness someone is finally going to use the thing) in the attic so I won't hear him cry when he wakes up. Call me what you will: neglectful mother, bad mother, mean mother, unloving mother. I gotta do what I gotta do.
Sweet dreams Lupus.
 | Currently reading : Ghost Boy By Iain Lawrence Release date: 12 March, 2002 |
1 comment:
Love the analogy! I did a blog search for Lupus and Adoption and you came up. :)
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