Fuck You Florida Uncle Ted

I am so tired of having to explain to my kids in a nice way, without sounding bitter, why their relatives on their dad's side are such assholes. I don't really like to use the nasty language either but I am bitter because everytime they visit I give them the benefit of the doubt. Why? I guess because I'm an idiot. Really, why else would I believe that "this time" our family won't be used as a doormat or be an after-thought? And here we are once again with this being Florida Uncle Ted's last night at our house and the kids are heading to bed without seeing him for but 10 minutes this morning before he left to aimlessly wander the countryside with a beer tucked between his legs in the red farmin' truck (which we so generously provide for him to drive). He specifically told Vinnie he would be back by 5 or 6 to hang out, it is now 10:30. He won't be able to play with us tomorrow night because him and his sister are taking their dad (Um yeah, Vinnie's dad too, but they didn't invite ANY of us. Try explaining THAT to the 7 year old who wants to go to a Tiger game.) to a Tiger baseball game and that same dear sister (who is just as inconsiderate and undependable) will take him to the airport the next morning.

So, fuck you Florida Uncle Ted, I'm glad I won't wake up in the morning to find your hung-over body on my couch anymore. That I won't have to sort your socks from Vinnie's in the laudry one more time. That you won't look up with that blank expression on your face and say "huh" when I ask you something. That I won't have to clear the last beer bottle off the table in the morning or out of my garden in the afternoon. That I won't have to wonder which freakin' towel in the bathroom is mine and why there are so many of them hanging on the bathroom door! That I won't have to hear you stick up for your spoiled half-sister during any more conversations. That I won't have to hear about "grandpa" Bill and how much help he needs (grandpa fucking who?). Off to south Florida you go. Adios asshole