Friday, April 11, 2008

God Was in the Know on this One

My last post got me thinking about boys, mud and vaginas. And when you put all those nouns together there is no way God would have ever allowed the male species to own a vagina. If boys had a vagina to welcome the possibility of childbirth it is highly unlikely that the canal would still be in working order beyond the preschool years. I know this for a fact because I am currently steering boy number 3 through his toddler years and into his preschool days.

All boys in my opinion are overly interested in orifices and what they can stuff into them. Boy number 1 would frequently sit in the sand box, tilt his head to the side and proceed to fill his ear with sand. I know he was trying to find out if it would pour out the other side. Does this orifice go straight through or does it stop somewhere? Same boy did this with a soybean just last year at the ripe age of 6. Twice we have spent days searching diapers for the missing penny because that oral orifice does go straight through. Not in the most convenient route but that was not his concern.

I won't bother with noses, we all know how handy that cavity is for entertainment or storage purposes.

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (I won't even mention that anal one)

Funny enough it is not just bodily orifices that they are fascinated with. Rocks and sticks are frequently found in very strange places in the house or van. As well as wrappers, leaves, dirty socks and uneaten food items. This is such a likely scenario that when we were finding our boots and shoes filled with dog food I was certain the boy that starts with an O was responsible. I had to ask for forgiveness when the real culprits turned out to be male mice (go figure).

As it is, I never believed in the hunter/gatherer theory discounting men as bearers of children. It is really because if women had to hunt for an orifice to stuff their throbbing organ we would have put an ice pack on it instead and gone about our business. Men will sniff out that hole like a hungry dog in pursuit of chickens. God was in the know on this one.

3 comments:

Erin the Librarian said...

I'm speechless with laughter =).

Alissa said...

(cackle)

Word.

abby said...

LOL! Boys are yucky.